Articles are in reverse chronological order

JOE MIKE SEEN RUNNING FROM DOMESTIC CHORES ON EASTER SUNDAY
Dateline 4/15/01.  Rich was on his way to Dundas with the family on Easter Sunday, heading south on Robert Street Trail (Hwy 3). The time was about 1:20. Suddenly, Joe Mike appeared, looking larger than life, heading north along the shoulder in full stride. Rich honked and waved, citing this as another fine example of the Bushrunners president monitoring the progress of members' training. Pat had another view, saying, "Shouldn't he be home washing dishes?"

[Addendum: Joe Mike later told me that, after his run, he and the family headed over to Johnny and Betty's for Easter dinner, whereafter he helped do the dishes.]

BERN MIKE AWAKES FROM DORMANCY, KEYS IN ON 25TH GRANDMA'S
Dateline 4/3/01.  From Bernie Mike: I am fully aware of the necessary training that is required for this year's Grandma's 25th Anniversary Marathon. I am encouraged if not inspired by the progress report given by the Honorable Richard "Candle Burner" Schletty.
    As of April 1, I have embarked on an 11 week marathon training program that will hopefully lead me to the finish line at Grandma's. Knowing that the time is short and the need to be stealthy by race day, I will attempt to continue my Lenten Offering by remaining sober, and abstaining from sugary and salty carbohydrates well after Easter. Beginning this Saturday April 7, if any of the members plan to gather for a "Bush Run" I would be interested in participating.
    Good bye for now,
    Bing, Boeing, or just plain Bern

STREAKING JOE MIKE & LEAN-CUISINE LARRY POUNDING THE PAVEMENT
Dateline 4/3/01. Joe Mike is doing what Rich should be doing: running every day. In fact, Joe Mike has an unbroken string of training runs stretching all the way back to January 1 of 2001. However, Barb reported to me Sunday at the Y that her guy may have to take a breather as he has developed shin splints. Whether he breaks his streak or not at this particular juncture is not important. The fact that he is upbeat and focused on Grandma's Marathon is a tremendous inspiration to his fellow bush men. Thank you, Joe Mike.
    Speaking of Larry, he is running up a storm, too. He did a 9-miler last Saturday and continues on his inspired journey toward Grandma's. Due to his steady loss of lipids and water over the past 4.4 months, Larry is now weighing in at a svelte 111 lbs. People that see him on the street barely recognize him, especially strangers.

JOE SCHLETTY LEADS BUSHRUNNERS IN RACE PARTICIPATION
Dateline 4/3/01.  Of course, Joe Schletty is doing just marvelous. He has already run several races this calendar year, most recently, the Human Race. See Running Report.

BEN ATTEMPTING TO GET UP IN MORNING IN BID TO MAKE RUNNING COMEBACK
Ben Mike was seen by club president Rich a few days ago as Ben made a mad dash across Smith Avenue near the SA station. Ben was on a training run that took him from the lower West Side to Cherokee Heights and back again. Rich gave Ben a mighty "ho...way to go" that echoed throughout the SA lot, which uplifted Ben and compelled him to lay down this message on the club's official commendations-counseling hotline.

"CIGARS AND PIPE" OUTING RENEWS HOPES OF PHYSICAL EXCELLENCE
Dateline 1/8/01. The Annual Presidential Lake Cabin Extravaganza. Club members, each packing their own cigars and pipe, rode a wave out of St. Paul last Friday evening – a wave that landed us on the sylvan shores of Lower White Ash Lake near Amery, Wisconsin. On the way there, we marveled at the countryside scenery which reminded us of the pictures we have seen of Scotland's moors, fjords, trenches and fences. Ben remarked, "What a beautiful sight to behold...the farms, vales and rolling hills all awash in moonlight." We really hadn't seen previously this kind of sentimentality issuing forth from the young man. It moved us to tears. Never mind that at that particular moment we were awash with smoke issuing forth from our cigars and pipes in our packed Voyager van.

The Great Cabin Rescue. Our arrival at the cabin was greeted by a lower-than-expected ambient temperature inside the cabin and an odor reminiscent of burning plastic toy boats or melted Marine boot heels. We soon discovered that the cabin's 30-year-old Weil-McClain boiler had shut down and that several components as well as all connecting wires were fried. Richy (a.k.a. "Wire Man") wanted to dig right in and replace the burnt wires with twisties he found in the kitchen drawer, but Joe Schletty and Joe Mike nixed that. We decided to defer repair until Saturday morning, fired up the pot-bellied wood-burning stove, and drifted off to sleep in a cloud of byproducts of polycarbonate rapid combustion. Saturday morning, Larry struck out on his own in search of a plumber who could assess the damage to the boiler. After several rejections of service by local plumbing and heating companies, Larry found Joe the Plumber in Amery and coaxed him out to the cabin (by promising him his choice of a spinach or meat pie). Joe the Plumber arrived and right away said to us, "All suited up," as several club members were indeed suited up, ready to hit the snirt-covered roads for a morning run. Bernie responded, "Yeah, all suited up." But Joe the Plumber thought Bernie said, "All sooted up" and it immediately occurred to Joe the Plumber that the Weil-McClain boiler had suffered a forward-rolling flash fire caused by the burner mechanism which was all sooted up. Joe the plumber spent the next 4.75 hours cleaning up the boiler and replacing melted components. He said it was an awfully good thing that we boys came up to the cabin when we did, otherwise certain irrevocable harm would have resulted to the boiler system and the cabin. We were thus proclaimed heroes and in this way have partially justified our weekend getaway to our parents, mentors, wives, children, clients, advocates and confessors.

Rich reelected President. Our Saturday evening supper consisted of many trimmings plus potatoes and meat roasted on a grill fired by charcoal and a plumbing service invoice. Andy, our special guest for the weekend, later remarked, "I wish I had been there" (he had to return home Saturday afternoon after the woodland skills outing which was attended by some, not all, club members). During supper, we heard oral arguments regarding the best pick for president of the Bushrunners for the year 2001. Rich, despite some lame arguments by Joe Schletty and an attempted coup d'état by Bernie Mike, was re-elected president. We are not sure if this is unprecedented. We will check with club historian Karl Stadstad and get back to you. John Wenker's proxy vote was not needed, after all, to put Rich over the top. Rich promised more of same for 2001, which includes uncensored publication of club members' comments on the World Wide Web.

The weekend was not all about us, however. Our brief hiatus from the responsibilities of our unusual lives was made even sweeter with copious winnings at the Casino in Turtle Lake. We deemed ourselves a bunch of charmed men and have vowed to continue our quest for understanding. We will run good races and treat our personal victories with the humility they deserve. Watch for us Bushrunners on the road this coming Spring, Summer and Fall! Thank you. Thank you very much. We do it for you, for your enjoyment. It's really all about you, our families and friends, at home and around the world.

     -- Richard Cecil Schletty, Bushrunners "El Presidente" for 2001.

P.S. It should not go without notice that Rich ran into the Casino's Karaoke Lounge at 5 minutes to Midnight, submitted a request to sing "All Shook Up" by Elvis, and proceeded to belt out a rendition richly applauded and deserving of the evening's top prize – a Casino coffee mug.